i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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