went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
People with herpes should wear stickers.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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