It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
