How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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