No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
