If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
