This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
