I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
