she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
