We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i love accidental penises.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Come on in and take your pants off
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
