Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
