You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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