u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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