forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
