Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
