he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
