Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize