drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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