I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
