margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize