we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
