After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
