I cannot find my penis.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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