The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
