I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
