direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
