You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
