So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
