apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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