I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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