Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just sent this text using only my big toe
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize