she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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