there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this will be a night to untag.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
