we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
