the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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