how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
