I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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