He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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