I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
