I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize