Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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