My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
