i permit you to call me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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