so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize