It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
