i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
