well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
