He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you didnt know i had herpes?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
