I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
