my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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