Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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