Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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