I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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