My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
