did you get engaged???
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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