he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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