My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
