He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
