I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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