I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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