47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
