I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
