Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize