No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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