i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Boobs are out for the taking
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
