My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
