Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
