i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
