Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
