Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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