The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
