nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
