Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
