I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
