Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
