walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
