dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
