mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
