You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
