Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
