i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
