It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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