ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
