She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
