It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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