Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
