We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
