Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
