question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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