I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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