So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
