Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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