At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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