I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
