I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Randomize
