I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
