drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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