Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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