i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
