I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
