Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
