some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
