Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
