i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
