Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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