Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I've blown a few things in my day
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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