How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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