My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
