I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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